Divine Dialysis

Ok, I have to admit this up front, but I'm awfully proud of this topic. It first came to me as I was watching House one night, and then crystallized during a phone conversation I had with Drew Anderson.

Here's what happened. I was sitting one night at work, my rounds and projects having been completed, and I was thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I had a job interview coming up, and I was thinking about how this or that detail could undermine everything I've worked towards. My ability to meticulously analyze and reason through things is an asset sometimes, but like any computer, my brain spits out solutions based only on the data I feed to it. As any programmer knows, garbage in, garbage out. I mostly try to stick with the facts as I see them when I give myself things to process, and the problem with that is the facts as I see them are always either incomplete or I jump to the worst-case scenario.

It always troubles me how turning to God for solutions is about fifth on my list of crisis management steps- first being reasoning through it, ruminating second, third obsessing, and fourth usually being vodka and cigars. But I remembered a scene in Evan Almighty where Morgan Freeman says to Evan's wife, "If you ask God for patience, is He gonna zap you with patience, or would He provide you with an opportunity to be patient?" It seemed to me as I sat obsessing (vodka and tobacco being unavailable at work) that everything was falling apart. I allowed my analysis of the situation, based on incomplete and pessimistic data thought it was, to cloud my attitude. Instead of an opportunity to advance myself, get better pay and hours, and capitalize on the discipline and fortitude it took to get myself there, I was focused, not even on what was wrong, but what might go wrong.


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I thought to myself, "Hicks (I refer to myself in the third person in my inner monologue), quit being an idiot. Every time we've had this angst about what will happen, not only have our fears never come true, but the situation turned out better than we could ever expect again and again. When are you gonna get that God is in control?"

But, I don't trust easily. Like Reagan, I trust but verify. It occurred to me that this was my Evan Almighty moment. I was asking for Faith, and instead of hurling a fideistic lightning bolt down from Mt. Zion, the Lord was allowing me an opportunity to follow through. So I prayed about it. I thanked the Lord for the opportunity to work a job, to support my needs, for the love and support of friends and family, for getting to live in the dream come true that is America, and for working things in my life out in the best possible way, despite my myriad sabotage attempts. I reminded the both of us that I understood and acknowledged His influence along my path, and expressed my confidence that whatever He had for me would be more than satisfactory. Like Saul, though, I was doing what my hands found to do, and I told Him that, if what I was seeking was the best thing, then bless my efforts, and if not, then frustrate them and point me to the door He would open.

The strangest thing began to happen. I became settled and calm. The buzzing insect in my head stopped, and after a while I even became lighthearted. It made no sense...in other words, it transcended my understanding.

Now for the awesome metaphor. I was watching House, and they were doing a procedure called plasmaferesis. It involves pumping blood out of the body, running it through a machine that scrubs it clean of toxins and contaminants, and pumping it back in. That night as I laid my burden down at His feet, my spirit was put through divine dialysis, and came back to me washed clean. And all without a catheter.