Following a very unfortunate personal incident, and some somewhat disappointing results of a weigh-in, I've recently experienced a bout of apathy about my school work. I've got some questions that are difficult to answer, and I'm also having to ask myself what I see myself doing after school. What can I do with a Philosophy degree? The skills I've gained from philosophy will contribute in a major way to any profession I choose, but the problem is landing that first job. I'm so ready to get out of the ivory tower and experience life- but I'm wary of the financial pressures that will bring, as well as the crushing realities of the loneliness of bachelorhood. I'm not financially ready to support a family, though, and I'm not emotionally or spiritually ready to accept the gynocracy that so many American marriages become. It seems that while I was struggling to find a place for myself, I missed out on establishing just what my place in life is. I don't want to be swept up into events that I can't control, and I fear that that prevents me from participating in a lot of nice things.

The big question I can't answer right now is: What can I do with my degree that I couldn't do before? Have these hard-fought years been a complete waste? Should I just have gotten a job?

I sense that there is something out there that I'll gain from this experience. I can even think of a few things off hand. But I still can't shake the growing anxiety about what will happen to me if I don't figure this out.

Like a Freight Train Coming Your Way

I can see now that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and as Nate put it, I don't here a whistle. My bank account has been empty for about a month, and I've been selling things to get grocery money. I've gotten to experience the generosity of my friends and family, and that's been positive in terms of reaffirming the strength of our ties to one another, but other than that it's been pure hell. I feel much better today than in recent days because I slept a very long, medically assisted sleep last night and decided to skip class today (It was going to be nothing but student presentations, and honesty...). I've been assured that my money will come on Friday of this week, and I'm cautiously optimistic, wary as I am of such assurances. I don't know if it'll be enough to get me back on track, but it'll mean I'm not in the gutter. In addition, I've spoken with my uncle and he's going to let me help him with his landscaping business from time to time, which will mean some valuable income. Also, Chick-Fil-A at Friendly Centre should be calling me today for an interview appointment. If I can get a job there, as well, then I'll be set. I'll be able, by the fruits of my own labour, to enact positive change on my own situation and by proxy a number of situations around me, which is what I've so desperately wanted for so very long. It sounds like a hopeful situation, which may assuage some of my anxiety. I have a burgeoning situation with school that may prove challenging, but that's a bridge I'll cross when I come to it.